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Post by shellie on Feb 17, 2015 20:20:28 GMT
Good Morning Lovely Ladies
Yesterday I had a nice visit with DMum. She seemed a bit down when I arrived but picked up after I got back with the 'supplies' from the grocery store and we had a good long chat. I really wish my brother (and his family) would make an effort to visit her. They are 5 mins up the road (1/4 of the distance that I am) and mum would regularly visit them but she hasn't driven now for well over 6months and my brother has visited once in that whole time. He can't drive himself now, but he has a son who drives who only works part time. They just don't think of it, they never had. For the last 15yrs they have regularly driven past on a Sunday morning for church, but probably only ever called in to see her less than a dozen times on their way home. And I'm the last person who should be telling him what to do, my 'advice' just causes anger and is never appreciated, but one day she just isn't going to be there anymore and it will be too late then. Just drives me nuts. I really don't mind being the only one who does anything for her (or ever has) but seriously now he's 'retired' (due to the stroke) couldn't he at least visit her once a week/fortnight, at this point I'd take once a month. He can still walk and talk (the stroke effected his throat and breathing in his sleep mostly), it's inactivity that has caused his need for a walking stick or wheel chair for long distances. Anyway, she could really do with more visitors.
So today is my WHB day. DD17 has a HSC prep day to go to, so needs dropping off a little earlier. Then I'll get stuck in. I feel like I really am only doing the middles lately. Most area's look 'ok', and visitors would probably never notice, but man the corners are not great. Someone mentioned the 'Zones' recently, HA!!!! Zones, I can barely remember what they are.
Anyway time to get stuck into something. Wishing you all a Wonderful Wednesday xoxo
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Post by medusahair on Feb 17, 2015 20:37:12 GMT
Good Morning Shellie - hope that your brother has an epiphany and visits Dmum  Today DH is still sick so will be at home DD will be at school and I have the second session of the parenting course. I feel really off with the newly established routines are stuffed up with people sick but I will cope. Hope everyone has a great day |
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Post by elizabeth36 on Feb 17, 2015 21:18:43 GMT
Hi Shellie, Families can be so complicated! Your DMum is so lucky to have you and it would be great if DB actually had an epiphany, as Medusa said.
I really feel for her and the loneliness - when you're poorly, it's hard to be with your own company all the time. Just a strange thought, not so much on the actual support, but the visits and interactions, is there Meals on Wheels (maybe just some days) or Blue Nurses (my DMum has Blue Nurses once a fortnight to do just basic vacuuming and household - and it really improves her life - she's active, but doesn't have to do the heavy cleaning at home), there's a grey army of retired service people - might be able to get a gardener for an hour a fortnight. Also thought this might free you up to be a social caller rather than a worker. Also our church has senior fellowship and those who drive collect those who don't - just random ideas for your DMum to get some company. Please feel free to ignore all/any - it's not advice, just ideas because I feel for your Mum and hear all you do.
Hi Medusa, Sending wellness your way - it really does mess with routines! Hope your parenting course is interesting and helpful.
Hi everyone,
Heigh ho for me again and I must say I really enjoy it! Yesterday was a workshop and I am feeling enthused about some of what I heard. Today is back to getting a couple of deadlines done, then I'm off to watch DD's cricket match. DH should pick up the boys and it's a quick pasta dinner unless DH offers to cook, then I'll postpone the pasta until tomorrow.
Home is driving me nuts and DH oscillates between telling me the things I haven't done and telling me not to stress when I get sooo frustrated, exhausted and upset that I never do enough and never feel good enough. It is not a relaxing or peaceful place for me. Can't see a solution, but quarrelling isn't helping - there is no empathy or understanding! I think he just sees that I'm cross again.
I am trying to focus on the good things.
Wishing you all a great day!
I'm going to try to...
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Post by Elasti-Girl on Feb 17, 2015 21:33:06 GMT
 Good Morning Shellie, Medusa, Elizabeth & those to come,Shellie - it's hard when someone just doesn't 'get' how their actions affect others. You'd think that stopping by to say hello once a week or so wouldn't be that much to ask. Sending you & your DMum a cyber hug  Medusa - I hope DH feels better soon, it totally throws me off too when someone is at home sick! Elizabeth - sending you a hug too. Take a deep breath & please consider saying no to some things, you're in danger of burning out.DS is home again today, I'm planning to PUPA & WHB & I seriously need to cull some files. Both filing cabinets can barely close & one of them has got a slight lean on it from the weight. 
I'd like to get in the zone too.
I'll get DD off to school & go form there. Hope to BBL
Have a great day everyone! |
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Post by shellie on Feb 17, 2015 23:06:41 GMT
Thanks for the love and support ladies.
DMum has help coming in every 2nd day. Too be honest she sees more people than I do. They shower her 2nd daily and do a quick tidy up of bathroom and bedroom, and then come each Monday and rotate either a big clean (WHB) or washing day. I pick up the slack in both those areas, and that's fine. DMum is funny, there are carers she's happy to chat to and have that 'visit' and then others she just wishes would 'get on with their job'. I have tried to explain that the service is both, personal care/cleaning and they chat to assess her mental well being as well(and often they do find her down). I have noticed over the last 6months there they are mostly 'down' days. I try my best to lift her up, but it can be mentally exhausting. All I can say is 'I'm sorry you feel that way" or "If there was something I could do to make you feel better, I'd be doing it". Her lungs are bad, each infection just makes them worse, she won't get any better. And age has also taken it's toll. In fact brothers illness really took it's toll on both my parents, they aged years during his 8months in hospital.
Mum just feels yuck, uncomfortable and just mad that this happened to her. There is not cure, but it's not terminal. Just frustrating being old. There is no other family left, all her siblings have passed and many of her friends too. I have a cousin who calls in about twice a year and another set of twin cousins who call her occasionally, but that's it. I understand brothers kids are busy, I know mine are too, but they still find the time for a visit occasionally, and do pick ups and drop off's if DMum comes here for an occasion. All I want is for my nephew or Sis in law to drop brother off every now and then for a visit. Funny brother can get other places without any trouble. Has been on several trips to Syndey in the last few months to see some shows, and fair enough, good luck to him, but seriously GO SEE YOUR MOTHER!!! She won't be there for ever and I don't want to hear him telling everyone at her funeral how much he will miss her. AAHHHH!!!!! BOYS!!!!
Anyway thanks again for the support. Rant over.
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Post by shellie on Feb 18, 2015 0:08:12 GMT
So I went to the Dr last week and my BP was bad, kind of made me mad given I am 26kgs lighter than 12months ago. Anyway it was really bad and Dr was very concerned. I suffer really bad 'white coat syndrome' so he told me to come home and keep a closer eye on it. LOL, that just stresses me out, that he is concerned, so of course that puts my BP up.
Anyway I took it earlier (just after I had posted my brother rant) and it was high 137/100 NO GOOD.
Now a few hours later, half the house clean (that feels better) and thoughts of my brother have left my head, took BP again 129/81, just about perfect.
Dr had asked 'what was going on in my life that could be stressing me out'. At the time I just shrugged and said not much but I've thought about it this morning and I have a damn list. No wonder it goes up
DH has injured his shoulders, can't golf which is his 1st love, he's just seems sad a lot (he is receiving treatment but he is not patient). When he is sad, I am sad.
DMum's illness of course
DMum's care solely in my hands
Brother, well being brother (enough said about that this morning)
DD17 doing the HSC, now that will put anyones BP up, plus this one is a bit combative. The other 2 'policed' themselves and didn't constantly make ridiculous requests. And didn't need constant reminding of their 'job' to do the HSC, homework and study
Plus there is a BF who causes her disappointment which filters through to family life
DS22 has left home 12months ago and has put on a scary amount of weight. Fast food and no one telling him NO!!! Having just watched his dad and I lose 50kgs between us, you would think he'd have stopped it. That makes me really sad and very worried for him. We were middle-aged with a weight problem, he is 22.
So I think I'll take my list to my follow up with the Dr and he can prescribe me with a holiday on a remote island as a cure for my high BP>
I am feeling quite relieved to see it has dropped so well. Funny, I even get 'white coat syndrome' when I'm not at the Dr. I kind of freak myself out taking my own BP. The thoughts I have when I haven't taken it in awhile. Silly Shellie
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Post by elizabeth36 on Feb 18, 2015 17:32:45 GMT
Hi Shellie, It's really 'tomorrow' but wanted to post ((((hugs)))) from today. It's so good you can check your blood pressure at home and your list made sense - there's a lot there. Take care.
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